Tearfully Grateful

Today is a day of tearful gratefulness.

The week has been trying. The workload is the same but people were unusually rude - over the phone, online and in person.

Or maybe, they've always been rude and I just wasn't paying enough attention to what I was feeling. And nobody else was. And this week, I was just really growing tired of it.

And then... yesterday.

Yesterday, before I slept, I cried and told Him that I'm tired. And that I'm weak. And that I'm getting hurt.

I asked Him to help me because my heart is in pain. And I can't laugh it off anymore. And I told Him that I need Him to protect me.

I woke up today and told Him that I trust Him. And whispered little prayers before my working day officially started.

The miracles started before my prayer ended.

There were no calls. No rude callers screaming their demands.

My coffee tasted best.

I was told not to man the phones and check the mails instead. I was off the phones for more than half my shift and needed to speak with only a few clients - who were, by the way, quite pleasant.

My heart was calm.

I was corrected rather pleasantly by a new friend on one case that I overlooked and was teased by my seatmate, Well, isn't that embarassing? (Napahiya ka no?) And I answered, We don't bank on shaming each other. (Hindi kami ganon.)

And I realized that that was true. It's one of the most dear blessings of the day, a new friendship that started with each person's a casual kindness towards a stranger.

I smiled.

The working day was a breeze.

I met with an old friend for breakfast and was greeted with a surprise Christmas gift. And we exchanged stories.

My tea smelled perfect.

Now, I know I may get hurt in different ways and times yet again but it's such comfort to know that I will always have friends and blessings.

And I am tearfully grateful because, although some bad things won't change, neither will my God.

Attending A Wedding Alone

Today, I attended the wedding of my office friend, Betchai and her groom, Lui.

Weeks before the wedding, I was almost sure I'll be attending alone. It's a spider sense thing - one I acquired from being a fan of Spiderman.

I committed to coming, without looking left nor right as to who's coming with me. And there I was.

How do you go to a friend's wedding on your own? I have no car even! - And had no idea how to get to the venue until the day of the event itself.

But I have already committed and I honor my commitment. Plus, I really want to attend a wedding. I'm not really sure why but it's just one of the things I want to watch.

So, it's a green light for me - alone or not.

I was planning on attending the wedding ceremony and leaving before the reception. I was, fortunately, able to convince a couple of office friends to come after office shift to represent the office friends who could not make it. So, I was covered for the reception.

But I didn't want to miss the ceremony, so I decided to push through with coming to the church alone.

I took a bus to a common jump off point. Then, I took a cab and, with the help of trusty google maps, got to the venue right before Betchai walked down the aisle.

The church was beautiful. Simple and easy on the eyes. Divine white. Tinted glass windows. Huge wooden doors.

The church doors were closed as we waited for the bride. And then, it was opened. Light flooded the aisle of the church. And there she was. All dressed in white. Swimming in the sunshine. It was a splendid sight.

It was a Catholic ceremony. First, the mass, the responsorial psalms, the homily... Then the I do's, then the vows, then the ring, the pronouncement as man and wife, then the sponsors - cord, coin, etc, then the "You may kiss the bride." and then the shower of petals as the bride and groom exits the church.

I was pretty much content, alone and hiding behind my cellphone camera - the trusty Samsung Galaxy Note 2, which I must say takes quite good snapshots.

For the after wedding photo ops, I confined myself to editing the photos so I missed it when they were looking for 'friends of the bride.' Honestly, if I heard it, I would've been absolutely shy and won't be able to make it to a post at the altar for the photo.

And then, it was done.

I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I'm happy to say I survived it. Now, attending a church wedding is just among the list of things I can do alone.

Maybe the next wedding I go to, I can improve on social skills and score a few friends, and maybe get the guts to join the photo ops. But for now, I'm quite pleased with how this went.

The wedding was absolutely charming and I'm glad I went even if I had to go alone.

Cab Cafe - Kapitolyo

I wondered why it was called Cab Cafe. Back in my tour lead days, I was introduced to the concept of the drivers' lounge - where the drivers eat and where complimentary food flows.

Walking down the road from Shaw along Kapitolyo, Cab Cafe comes right next to the carwashes. But nope, no cabs in sight.

You wouldn't miss it. Couches, coffee tables, wood and steel chairs. It looked so homey from afar, I wanted to drop my backpack in the middle of the road and run inside inside like I've come home from a trip to oblivion.

The interior was espresso-colored; less Starbucks, more Coffee Bean. The wood and steel chairs of the olden days makes it feel a lot more pinoy, a lot more comfy.

My eyes were so busy eyeing the cakes on display, I wasn't able to take photos. You should see it yourself though. Moist muffins, meat/tuna/chicken pies, sinful chocolate cakes and, my chosen temptation, pistachio cake.

Jaja, my travel/food/photo buddy, chose the choco pistachio cake and we both got a tuna pie each.

The pistachio cake ranked higher than the choco pistachio cake. The choco pistachio was quite too chocolatey and sweet for a whole slice. A testament that some good things are better without chocolate.

The tuna pie was great - for some reason, it made me think of recess time back in elementary. You know that feeling of excitement over your packed snack? The tuna pie will give you that.

It was quite hot and humid but we stayed outside because I wanted to smoke. Temperature was quite bearable amidst the heat because of the space - they have an industrial fan outside and with that turned on, I'm sure the heat will be quite unnoticeable.

The staff was friendly too. Jaja was chatting her up about the store being from Bacolod and she replied with the confidence that I would like to see in more store attendants.

You know how most attendants are timid and shy away from questions or give really short responses? The staff here is different - or well, at least, the girl manning the counter is. She spoke about the restaurant and of her hometown in a friendly tone with confidence and pride.

She mentioned that all of them are from Bacolod and the restaurant is known as Bob's. Jaja said they're famous for their ribs. (I couldn't remember shit and got so amazed.)

It was so hot outside but dining at Cab Cafe was definite pleasure.

I still don't understand why it's called Cab Cafe but I'm sure to be back for the sinful chocolate cake and, hopefully - if time permits, a cup of coffee, and then maybe I'll ask why it was named that way.

Addressing crassness.

There is this person I am utterly irritated with that I cannot contain it.

You know how people say, there's a good and a bad side to a person? Well this person, I see different angles of her bad side everyday.

She is crass and mindless. She is tactless and has no regard for the sensitivities of others. She talks all the time and loudly, but says nothing positive. She thinks the worst of people and says it out loud as if with a yearning to influence. She does not apologize for her mistakes but blames those around her. She bullies those who she feels are weak. She takes pride in a power she feels she has - but doesn't. 

I go head to head with her at times as if to appeal to be a little more considerate of others. But I know I'm not getting through. 

A friend told me not to mind her. But how could I not? I have never been in the company of a person so crass.

I notice now that she is somehow aloof with me. Maybe because I do not put up with her attitude. Or maybe because my attitude contends with the strength of hers. 

All I know is that she makes an effort not to sit beside me.

And, yes. I am thankful for the space. Because as much as I would like to be approachable to all, I think this distance will be best for me.

This hatred I have for this person has bothered me for days but it has dawned on me that I have the responsibility to be the bigger person here.

I must remember that I'm not used to people like her because I was lucky to have great people surround me. While she probably has not.

I must remember that I am gifted enough to understand psychology, accountability, tact, responsibility and maturity.

And I want to look at her differently today and for the days to come. 

I will need to back off in appealing and pushing my perpective - no matter how destructive I feel her perspective to be.

Instead of getting frustrated with her over her insensitivity, I must think about how much pain she must have endured in the past that made her become this insensitive. And also, how much pain she will need to endure in the future because of how she is today.

I do not know how I can be of better influence this way but going head to head with her is not helping either of us as well. 

I think I'm better off cheering up the people who she steps on in her destructive way.

Reading This is a Crazy Planets

Ang unang comment ko sa librong ito: WAAAAAHHHHH!!

And, unfortunately, in a negative way. Sumasakit ang puso ko sa ka-negahan ng librong ito.

Gusto ko si Lourd de Veyra at natutuwa ako sa WOTL pero itong librong 'to, ansakit talaga sa dibdib.

Naka-limang essay pa lang yata ako pero I have read so much hate. Galit siya sa nagse-selfie, nagpi-picture ng pagkain, sa nagagalit kay Dan Brown sa pagtawag sa Maynila bilang "gates of hell," sa nagbabasa ng Dan Brown books, sa mga writer na hindi nagbabasa, sa nag-o-OOTD at iba pa.

Pwedeng dala ng passion, pero confused ako kasi parang galit siya sa mga taong may opinyon, sa mga taong bad vibes at sa mga taong good vibes. In short, parang galit siya sa lahat ng tao. Ops. Mali. Except sa mga credible sources na  pareho ang opinyon sa kanya. Sa mga tinuturing niyang intellectual giants na pareho ang opinyon sa kanya. Pero kung intellectual giant na iba ng opinyon, galit din siya.

Masarap basahin yung libro in the sense na marami kang makukuhang info tungkol sa kung anu-ano pang pwede mong pag-aralan sa mundo - which is why ito yung nilagay ko sa wishlist ko sa exchange gift last year.

Mapagmumulan to ng ibang pagkakaabalahan na iba sa nakalagay sa facebook ko. Yung mga terms na di mo gets, mga nababanggit na tao, movies, songs, at libro at mga history ng mga yon. Alam naman natin na boring din naman talaga kung puro kung ano lang ang nasa newsfeed mo yung alam mo.

Pero, as full of info as it is, medyo hindi ako komportable sa angas nung writing. Na parang intellectual elitism yung dating. "I am the smartest and you are all idiots." yung boses ng pagkakasulat.

Alam ko namang matalino si Lourd pero hindi naman bobo lahat ng ibang manunulat na nabasa ko.

Haay. Di ko kaya basahin ng tuloy-tuloy. Nagsulat na ko kasi napabigat talaga nito yung loob ko. Sobrang nega. Balikan ko na lang siguro after a few weeks. Mag-Kikomachine na muna ako.

Brrr Birthday Baguio

I always thought the trip to Baguio will be a challenge. I have no idea why a six-hour ride was holding me back while I have braved multiple times 8-hour (turned 10-hour) bus rides to Bagasbas, Camarines Norte.

Luckily, Gela, my college bestfriend and Baguio travel buddy, introduced me to the joy of Joy Bus riding. It's the deluxe transport from Genesis Bus Company with lazy boys, a toilet, blankets and complimentary snacks which travels direct from Pasay or Cubao to Baguio with no stops, estimating travel time from 5 to 6 hours.

We stayed at Hotel 45 on the first night.  Their room was among the cheapest hotel rooms we can find at P1100/night. We found a hotel near the bus terminals at P800/night but that was quite dingy so we opted for Hotel 45.

We checked out after the first night and moved to a homestay in Asin Road, Brgy San Luis. We stayed at a 2 bedroom house and rented one room at 600/night with a shared bathroom. The other room was unoccupied so we had the house to ourselves. The place had a kitchen, tv, sofa... whatever. It was a house. The best amenity is this view:

As though the world greeted you "Good Morning."

The first thing we noticed about Baguio was the road etiquette. Near the pedestrian lanes, signs say: Mandatory 5 second stop. Motorists give way to pedestrians.

There is no need for jaywalking because there are pedestrian lanes everywhere.

I was quite surprised with how silent session road was considering the traffic. Noone honks. We asked the cab driver if it was not permitted. He said it is, but if you do, other drivers will look at you. (Pagtitinginan ka.) It's taboo.

I always thought Session Road will be home to many bars with bands, artists, and reggae singers... It seems, I was at the wrong place in Baguio.

There was one place though. A simple drinking place that featured a lot of great voices. It was the place right under Oh My Gulay in Azotea. I couldn't remember the name of the place, forgive me. I was tired from work the night before and didn't get much sleep from a pretty quick bus ride. And all other inexcusable excuses. I will be back there, take lots of photos, get a couple of drinks and listen to the music.

Baguio is a location for so many good eats.

Commercial food places like KFC, McDonald's, Starbucks, Jollibee, Yellow Cab etcetera swarms the place but i vowed not to be tempted by the familiar!

So many local places to eat at! I think you can stay for two weeks without at eating at the same place twice!

Kiwi Cakes and Pastry Shop near Mines View Park

Rumah Sate @ Ketchup Community near Wright Park

Good Taste between Burnham Park and Session Road

Cafe at 2nd level, SM Baguio

Vegetarian Pizza from Pizza Volante at Session Road

Breakfast at Pizza Volante, Session Road

Pizza Volante also has branches in Camp John Hay and near Ketchup Community and Wright Park

Pasta at Pizza Volante

Breakfast at Cafe by the Ruins, near Baguio City Hall

Strawberry Taho =)

I loved all the places we ate at.

All were inexpensive, except, I'm sorry, Cafe by the Ruins. Most of the places will get you a meal from P100 to P150. Cafe by the Ruins is on a different price range true to its being a cafe. Prices similar to CBTL.

The food was great. Pizza, pasta, cakes, rice and viand, noodles. Love em all :)

Of course, why go to Baguio without going to the famous spots eh?

And so we heard mass at the Baguio Cathedral, went for a stroll in Burnham Park, pretended to be members of the Philippine Rowing Team on one of the swans in the man-made lake, took a photo of the Baguio City Hall just because, got ourselves amazed with the artworks at Tam-awan and Arko ni Apo, walked from the Camp John Hay Technohub up to the Bell House Secret Garden and had our customary photo at the Mines View Park viewing deck, in front of the Mansion and at Wright park with the pine trees as back drop.

Of all the places we visited, I loved Tam-awan Village the best. I loved the paintings, and there are so many of them.

There was a small room there which was the Bugnay Gallery that I was initially discouraged to enter because it seemed small from the outside and I'm not really a fan of small space. For the heck of it, I entered it just the same and was pleasantly surprised to see a full wall of artwork that I loved.

You know how, in a gallery, you usually like one or two paintings on a wall? Well, this wall, I liked everything. The whole Bugnay Gallery does not appeal to me, I'm not into modern abstract art with smiley stickers, but this wall, definitely.

Tam-awan Village will be among the places I'll return for as I will want to stare longer at the paintings.

We couldn't go strawberry picking as it was off-season so that's something in store for the next trip as well -same as an Oh My Gulay breakfast, lunch and dinner at the other restaurants in Ketchup Community and a night out at Bohemian on Session Road.

There's definitely a lot to come back for. So, see you again, Baguio ;)

Cafe by the Ruins

Baguio City Hall

I want a room life this! - @ Bugnay Gallery - Tam-Awan Village

My favorite site: Tam-awan Village

Tam-awan Village - In front of the Luccong (House)

ZOLA

Tired from walking uphill!! @ Camp John Hay

Arabica Coffee Plantation

The Secret Garden

Selfie-selfie pag may time :)

Wright Park

Gela at The Mansion 

The Mansion gates

Horse Love

Comfort food place: Pizza Volante

See Me

I am not perfect
Nor do I believe I am
Nor will I become.

I am imperfect
And I will forever be
Always be just me.

Judge me if you wish
That is out of my control
But judge as a whole. (Tip: Say it fast)

Please keep eyes open
My being is not linear
Look deep and do stare.

It's not black and white.
There is more than good and bad.
Than happy and sad.

There's more than this life
There more than just what you see
Like there's more to me.

There's yellow and grey
Beige, Pink, Purple, Black and Blue
All colors of hue.

So I hope one day
You'll really see me as me
Or just let me be.

Hold on ka lang.

Sige, pare.
Ikwento mo araw-araw
Isipin mo mula umaga hanggang gabi,
Yang relasyon niyong wala nang natira
At imahinasyon mo na lang ang nagpapagana.

Hold on ka lang, pare.
Panghawakan mo ang iyong paniniwala.

Ang mundo ay hugis puso,
Mabuti ang lahat ng tao,
May pag-asa ang bansang 'to,
May katuparan ang mga pangako.

Ang bawat araw ay ligaya
Ang ihip ng hangin ay musika
Walang halaga ang ekonomiya
At ikaw ay mahal niya.

Sige lang, pare.
Paniwalaan mo ang gusto mong paniwalaan.

E ano naman kung isipin nilang mangmang ka
O hibang kaya!
Kung iintindihin naman natin nang tunay ang mundo,
Hindi ba masisiraan din naman talaga tayo ng ulo?

Kaya Hold on ka lang.
Walang karapatan ang mundong kwestiyunin ang kathang-isip mo,
Hold on ka lang.
Wag kang magpapatalo sa katotohanan.