Blame It on the Wind

Let's talk about the wind.

How it stings,
And pains your eyes
And induces a flood of tears.

Let's talk about its strength
That surges to your core
And renders you weak.

How excruciating its pain,
As you feel a looming surrender
Of your weary spirit.

But you wipe your tears away,
Because you know it's not the wind.

It's the sun.

Let's talk about the sun...

Tearfully Grateful

Today is a day of tearful gratefulness.

The week has been trying. The workload is the same but people were unusually rude - over the phone, online and in person.

Or maybe, they've always been rude and I just wasn't paying enough attention to what I was feeling. And nobody else was. And this week, I was just really growing tired of it.

And then... yesterday.

Yesterday, before I slept, I cried and told Him that I'm tired. And that I'm weak. And that I'm getting hurt.

I asked Him to help me because my heart is in pain. And I can't laugh it off anymore. And I told Him that I need Him to protect me.

I woke up today and told Him that I trust Him. And whispered little prayers before my working day officially started.

The miracles started before my prayer ended.

There were no calls. No rude callers screaming their demands.

My coffee tasted best.

I was told not to man the phones and check the mails instead. I was off the phones for more than half my shift and needed to speak with only a few clients - who were, by the way, quite pleasant.

My heart was calm.

I was corrected rather pleasantly by a new friend on one case that I overlooked and was teased by my seatmate, Well, isn't that embarassing? (Napahiya ka no?) And I answered, We don't bank on shaming each other. (Hindi kami ganon.)

And I realized that that was true. It's one of the most dear blessings of the day, a new friendship that started with each person's a casual kindness towards a stranger.

I smiled.

The working day was a breeze.

I met with an old friend for breakfast and was greeted with a surprise Christmas gift. And we exchanged stories.

My tea smelled perfect.

Now, I know I may get hurt in different ways and times yet again but it's such comfort to know that I will always have friends and blessings.

And I am tearfully grateful because, although some bad things won't change, neither will my God.

Attending A Wedding Alone

Today, I attended the wedding of my office friend, Betchai and her groom, Lui.

Weeks before the wedding, I was almost sure I'll be attending alone. It's a spider sense thing - one I acquired from being a fan of Spiderman.

I committed to coming, without looking left nor right as to who's coming with me. And there I was.

How do you go to a friend's wedding on your own? I have no car even! - And had no idea how to get to the venue until the day of the event itself.

But I have already committed and I honor my commitment. Plus, I really want to attend a wedding. I'm not really sure why but it's just one of the things I want to watch.

So, it's a green light for me - alone or not.

I was planning on attending the wedding ceremony and leaving before the reception. I was, fortunately, able to convince a couple of office friends to come after office shift to represent the office friends who could not make it. So, I was covered for the reception.

But I didn't want to miss the ceremony, so I decided to push through with coming to the church alone.

I took a bus to a common jump off point. Then, I took a cab and, with the help of trusty google maps, got to the venue right before Betchai walked down the aisle.

The church was beautiful. Simple and easy on the eyes. Divine white. Tinted glass windows. Huge wooden doors.

The church doors were closed as we waited for the bride. And then, it was opened. Light flooded the aisle of the church. And there she was. All dressed in white. Swimming in the sunshine. It was a splendid sight.

It was a Catholic ceremony. First, the mass, the responsorial psalms, the homily... Then the I do's, then the vows, then the ring, the pronouncement as man and wife, then the sponsors - cord, coin, etc, then the "You may kiss the bride." and then the shower of petals as the bride and groom exits the church.

I was pretty much content, alone and hiding behind my cellphone camera - the trusty Samsung Galaxy Note 2, which I must say takes quite good snapshots.

For the after wedding photo ops, I confined myself to editing the photos so I missed it when they were looking for 'friends of the bride.' Honestly, if I heard it, I would've been absolutely shy and won't be able to make it to a post at the altar for the photo.

And then, it was done.

I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I'm happy to say I survived it. Now, attending a church wedding is just among the list of things I can do alone.

Maybe the next wedding I go to, I can improve on social skills and score a few friends, and maybe get the guts to join the photo ops. But for now, I'm quite pleased with how this went.

The wedding was absolutely charming and I'm glad I went even if I had to go alone.